Hotel

Surviving the VA: A Veteran’s Story

My name is Hotel. I was born in Michigan. I did well in school, played football, and was class president. I was social, active, and had plans. After high school in 1970, my friends and I joined the Army together. I trained at Fort Lewis and Fort Rucker in Aircraft Maintenance/Crew Chief. In August 1971, I was sent to Vietnam with the 101st Airborne. I volunteered to be a door gunner on a Huey helicopter. That meant flying into danger every day. I logged over 100 hours of combat flight time, earning four Air Medals. I was also awarded a Bronze Star for meritorious service.

Almost every mission took fire. We were shot at constantly. We landed in hot zones. I watched rockets and tracers come up at us from the ground. One day, while flying convoy protection, a truck hit a land mine below us. The explosion killed soldiers and civilians, including refugees walking along the road. The helicopter ahead of us took so much shrapnel that it had to turn back. That image has never left me. Some of my closest friends were killed when their helicopter was shot down. I didn’t know until later that the aircraft carried men I loved, including my best friend. I’ve lived with that guilt ever since.

I left the Army in 1973. After I came home, things went dark. For about six years, I lived with constant suicidal thoughts and even a plan. I couldn’t hold a job for long. I drank too much. I couldn’t adjust to civilian life. I divorced and had no children. I was lost. I did not know the VA could help me.

I eventually re-enlisted. I stayed in the Army another ten years and reached E-7. I served in artillery and intelligence. I was doing well until I severely injured my back. I had multiple surgeries and was medically discharged. The Army rated me at 40%, but I couldn’t work and was physically and emotionally broken. I tried the VA more than once. I didn’t feel helped. I lost trust and stopped going.

Years later, I was finally referred to  Mike Coonan, LMSW ACSW BCD for a mental health evaluation, where I was finally referred to and treated by a VA psychiatrist after getting through the roadblocks. This is when I discovered that I had severe, combat-related PTSD, along with major depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Around the same time, I learned I had prostate cancer linked to Agent Orange exposure. Only then did everything finally make sense. I was eventually awarded 100% VA disability for my service-connected conditions. That didn’t erase what I lost, but it acknowledged the truth.

Even now, I struggle. Talking about combat overwhelms me. I avoid memories because they hurt too much. I sleep poorly. I’m easily startled. My concentration is bad. I live alone in the woods, mostly by choice. My back pain limits nearly everything I do, even cutting wood to heat my cabin.  Before I was awarded 100%, I could not afford a furnace or pay for the gas for my house in the winter.  I survived Vietnam. I survived the years after. But the cost followed me home and stayed with me for a lifetime.

Mental Health/ Military History Psychosocial Assessment was written by Mike Coonan, LMSW, ACSW, BCD. 

His treating VA psychiatrist provided the Expert Medical Opinion. 

Both were prepared and completed at no cost to the veteran.

Both made a significant impact on his VA Disability Compensation Evaluation and Decision.