Juliet

VA/VSO Surviving the VA: A Veteran’s Story

My name is JULIET. I was born in Michigan. I grew up in a good family with my sisters and brother. I wasn’t much for schoolwork, but I played sports and got along with people. I didn’t have emotional problems growing up. What I deal with now started later. I finished high school and went to junior college for a short time, playing football.

In March of 1970, I joined the Army. I trained at Fort Knox and Fort Sill and was sent to Vietnam later that year. I was assigned to the 1st Air Cavalry, A Battery, 1/21st Artillery (Airmobile). Vietnam changed everything. Our unit moved constantly, supporting infantry operations. We went from one landing zone to the next, sometimes more than twenty in a short period. We took incoming rockets and artillery. On one occasion, the enemy breached the perimeter of our firebase and had to be driven back. You learned fast that nowhere was truly safe. I lost one of my best friends in combat. Another was badly wounded. There were things we were ordered to do that I still can’t forget, things that go against everything I was raised to believe. Those memories have stayed with me for more than fifty years.

I left Vietnam in July 1971 and was honorably discharged later that year. I came home wearing medals, but inside, I was not okay. After the Army, I couldn’t settle into civilian life. I drank and used drugs for a couple of years just to get through the days. I couldn’t work. I finally quit drinking in 1976 and tried to build a life, factory work, construction, concrete work, and later helped in a vocational school. I did the best I could, but it was never easy. Over time, anxiety and depression became constant. I stopped sleeping well. My mind wouldn’t slow down at night. I had nightmares and intrusive thoughts about Vietnam. I became irritable and angry, sometimes without knowing why. I stayed on guard all the time. Crowds bothered me. I felt cut off from people, even from those closest to me.

For years, I minimized what I was dealing with. I told myself to tough it out. But things didn’t improve. I lost interest in life. I struggled to concentrate. I felt restless and on edge. At times, I had thoughts that I’d be better off dead. I even thought about how I might do it, though I didn’t want to hurt my family. I don’t feel that way now, but those thoughts were real. I saw Mike Coonan while he was at the Vet Center, but lost him when he was fired. He had started my MHPSA, but was gone, and no one would tell me where he was, and I did not feel comfortable with them. It wasn't until 4 years later that I found Mike  working in my hometown with his organization On Point 4 Veterans, and we got reconnected

After Mike completed my Military History Psychosocial Assessment, which he had started 4 years ago, I finally understood that I live with severe PTSD from my time in combat. This was not who I was before Vietnam. I was not anxious. I was not depressed. These problems began there and followed me home.

Mike referred me to a VA psychiatrist, but instead, I was diverted to someone who could not treat me. I believed I was getting real help, only to find out I wasn’t. That was deeply upsetting and left me feeling misled and stuck. Eventually, I was seen by a VA psychiatrist. With Mike’s support, I submitted my information to a Veterans Service Officer. The VSO told me he “could not find PTSD” and refused to submit my claim to the VA for a Compensation & Pension exam. Hearing that was devastating. I went back to Mike and told him what had happened. He redirected me to another VSO. With Mike’s support, I completed the disability compensation process, and this time my case was properly submitted. I was ultimately awarded 100% Permanent and Total disability. That decision didn’t create my condition; it finally recognized it. And it changed my life for the better.

Yet, today, I have trouble working because of anger, poor impulse control, isolation, and sleep problems. I avoid people. I feel emotionally numb. Talking about Vietnam overwhelms me, but avoiding it hasn’t made it go away. I’m telling my story because this is what combat can do to a person slowly, quietly, and over a lifetime. I didn’t come home broken on the outside. I came home carrying things I didn’t know how to put down. I am a member of the group, We Are On Point 4 Veterans.

Mental Health/ Military History Psychosocial Assessment was written by Mike Coonan, LMSW, ACSW, BCD. 

His treating VA psychiatrist provided the Expert Medical Opinion. 

Both were prepared and completed at no cost to the veteran.

Both made a significant impact on his VA Disability Compensation Evaluation and Decision.